Allegiant (Spoilers and All)

WARNING: This post contains spoilers (hence the title) and probably some typos. I just finished writing this post, but I can't edit it. Sorry. If you read all the way through, you'll figure out why. I'm terribly sorry if my sentences don't make sense and the whole thing is crazy.

{via google}

Sorry for the lack of posting lately. I've been busy reading Also Known As by Robin Benway, and then Insurgent and Allegiant. Oh, and making a few-day trip to Baltimore.
But really I just need to rant about Allegiant. That. Stupid. Book.
This post is probably going to be short, because even thinking about the ending kills me inside. I get this sinking feeling in just about every part of my body, pulling me down to a dark place I don't want to visit again. Because Tris is dead. Uriah is dead. Basically, everyone is dead.
I don't remember when I realized what having Tris and Tobias splitting the POVs meant. I think it was somewhere near the middle of the book.
One of them is going to die. That's what I thought, and then I banished it from my head, because I couldn't bear it.
When Tris died, I started crying. Then I flipped through the rest of the pages to see if it was real. Maybe it was some trick. But when none of the other chapters were from her point of view, I started crying harder. It took me awhile to start reading again. But when I did, I cried a lot more.
See, Veronica Roth is a brilliantly cruel author (no offense...I'm just saying my opinion. I don't feel any real malice toward her. Awe, maybe, because she had the bravery to kill of one of her main characters, who I'm guessing she loved. A lot). If the book hadn't been in first person, it wouldn't have been quite as bad, but it was. She let us get inside of Tobias's head. Then she broke him. In the process, she broke us.
I kind of get why Tris died. Somewhere in the book, I remember someone talking about an honorable death. Dying for a bigger cause, the bigger picture. Making a sacrifice for those you love, because that's the only way a sacrifice can be done.
At the same time, though, I don't get it. Veronica didn't have to put David in that room. He didn't have to still have his gun with him. Or maybe Tris could've still had her gun with her. Either way, anyone with an ounce of sense would've seen that she still made the sacrifice. She had no idea if she'd be able to survive the death serum or not. She still saved Caleb. She still tried.
And if Veronica could've just been a little nicer, then maybe Tris would still be alive, Tobias wouldn't be broken, so I wouldn't be broken. Yes, I watched this. I get that her death did her story justice. I understand that they couldn't have a happily ever after, but Veronica could've put that in the epilogue instead. She could've said Tobias and Tris were together, married, whatever. She could've said that they were struggling, because life is full of that, but they were doing okay and the threat of death was gone.
But at the same time, I get it. I'm not okay with it. Yet. And that's why I can't think about that book. That trilogy. All of it. I. Just. Can't. I will not read the rest of the Divergent books that Veronica has written, at least not in the near future. If there are any comments on this post, I probably won't respond, because I can't. Maybe by spring I'll be okay with it, and I'll be able to watch the movie.
Right now, though, I'm stuck in this horrible sadness. I know it will fade, just like it did with Tobias's pain, just like it did when I cried over Beth in Little Women and Dobby in Harry Potter. (Yes, that's right. Before Allegiant, I only cried over two literary characters.)
All right. I have to go. The tears are threatening.
♥
Bekah Joan