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so that's why i bothered.

sometimes i wonder if keeping a journal is worth it. i barely manage to write in it more than a few times a month, and quite often its pages are impregnated with despair. i haven't written in it in over a month.
but today, i flipped back to november and december.
i was blown away.
so please, take a peek into three of my (slightly edited) journal entries from the end of last year.

November 26th, 2014 Wed.
"Again, the kingdom of Heaven is like a merchant in search of fine pearls, who, on finding one pearl of great value, went and sold all that he had and bought it." Matt. 13:45-46

Dec. 4, 2014 Thurs.
I'm a mess.
It's easy to see
That the struggle
Just to be
Is finally too much.

I'm a stained blanket,
Too ugly and old for use.
My tattered soul has taken enough.
Enough abuse, all from its own
Harsh remarks that tear at what could be beautiful.

But his grace is there,
Covering me like snow on a winter's day.
Mending my self-inflicted wounds.
Catching and bottling my tears.
"You're precious. I love you," he whispers.

But I just laugh.
How could he love me?
Selfish, immature, not good enough,
Not perfect. I'm just a defect.
What could I have to give?

His eyes are sad as his fingers trace my cheek.
"Rebekah, none of my creations are worthless,
So how could you be? I made you with a
Beautiful, beautiful purpose. Even if you don't
Fulfill it perfectly, my love for you won't cease.

"So don't lose heart.
Don't drop your courage. Take my hand
And the forgiveness I long for you to have.
Walk with me, not away from me,
And I can mold you into beauty divine."

Dec. 14, 2014 Sun.
You have given me the power to be joyful.
How can I deny that?

after reading those three entries, all in a row, all by me and for me, i smiled.
so that's why i bothered.

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