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Learned [fear + humility]

So I had my appendix out.

It was a strange thing, and it left me with lots of time to think. Mostly about why it was strange.

See, I'm the girl who's afraid of everything. The one who barely has the courage to climb ladders (let alone trees), to ride a bike downhill, or go to dentist appointments alone.

I avoid getting hurt like a twelve-year-old girl avoids her crush. I want the fun, but I fear the pain. And, for me, fear almost always wins.

But this time I didn't have a choice. The pain came, along with the emergency room and surgery the next morning. And now I'm recovering well and with plenty of stray thoughts.

One of them is that fear can't keep you safe. My appendicitis just came. I couldn't even try to avoid it. I do everything possible to keep myself from getting hurt—from ending up in the hospital. And yet, when God thinks it's time, it's time. So two Saturdays ago, I made my way to the emergency room with my dad.

And you know what? I made it out of there alive. Even better, I learned a few things. And I grew into a stronger and more well-rounded person.

Another thing that I learned was humility. For the first two weeks after my surgery (so up until yesterday), I couldn't lift anything over ten pounds. When I went back to work, I told myself not to get frustrated. I knew it would be difficult for me to step back and not do too much. And that required me asking for help.

My coworkers were very understanding (because I have the best coworkers ever), and I didn't get too frustrated. But I didn't expect how hard it would be to ask for help. To have to say, "I can't do this. Can you do it for me?"

It wasn't fun, having to admit that I couldn't do things. But it was a great way for me to stop. To remember that I'm not perfect. To humble myself. We're all human, and it can be all too easy to get caught up in ourselves.

We think we can do everything. We don't need help.

But oh, we do. And that's something I'm beginning to learn.

So. Appedicitis taught me many things, but these are the most important to me. Fear can't keep you safe, and pride gets you nowhere good. But God can take you anywhere he wants.

So there are some stray thoughts for you, straight out of a jumbled brain. I'm sorry if this post isn't very well-put together. But, then again, when do my thoughts ever make sense?

I hope you all have a good week. <3
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