15.8.16

Learned [fear + humility]


So I had my appendix out.

It was a strange thing, and it left me with lots of time to think. Mostly about why it was strange.

See, I'm the girl who's afraid of everything. The one who barely has the courage to climb ladders (let alone trees), to ride a bike downhill, or go to dentist appointments alone.

I avoid getting hurt like a twelve-year-old girl avoids her crush. I want the fun, but I fear the pain. And, for me, fear almost always wins.

But this time I didn't have a choice. The pain came, along with the emergency room and surgery the next morning. And now I'm recovering well and with plenty of stray thoughts.

One of them is that fear can't keep you safe. My appendicitis just came. I couldn't even try to avoid it. I do everything possible to keep myself from getting hurt—from ending up in the hospital. And yet, when God thinks it's time, it's time. So two Saturdays ago, I made my way to the emergency room with my dad.

And you know what? I made it out of there alive. Even better, I learned a few things. And I grew into a stronger and more well-rounded person.

Another thing that I learned was humility. For the first two weeks after my surgery (so up until yesterday), I couldn't lift anything over ten pounds. When I went back to work, I told myself not to get frustrated. I knew it would be difficult for me to step back and not do too much. And that required me asking for help.

My coworkers were very understanding (because I have the best coworkers ever), and I didn't get too frustrated. But I didn't expect how hard it would be to ask for help. To have to say, "I can't do this. Can you do it for me?"

It wasn't fun, having to admit that I couldn't do things. But it was a great way for me to stop. To remember that I'm not perfect. To humble myself. We're all human, and it can be all too easy to get caught up in ourselves.

We think we can do everything. We don't need help.

But oh, we do. And that's something I'm beginning to learn.

So. Appedicitis taught me many things, but these are the most important to me. Fear can't keep you safe, and pride gets you nowhere good. But God can take you anywhere he wants.

So there are some stray thoughts for you, straight out of a jumbled brain. I'm sorry if this post isn't very well-put together. But, then again, when do my thoughts ever make sense?

I hope you all have a good week. <3

8 comments:

  1. I've been thinking about fear lately as well, and this post was a great catalyst from my thoughts! "Fear can't keep you safe." Yes! And maybe fear is good, because it means that we have to keep our eyes on Jesus.

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    1. Glad it could help. What an interesting thought, Hannah!

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  2. This is really good because I'm the girl who wants her crush to talk to her but at the same time is paralyzed with fear when I do get a text because I might say something embarrassing and have to feel the the shame. That awful horrible stomach twisting embarrassment. Over what?? Really?
    But yes to humility. For me it's okay to letting myself feel wrong and be wrong and being okay with it. Or laughing it off. Because in the end it's okay really. But I'm just afraid of that feeling.
    And maybe that doesn't have to do anything with this. But it's what it reminded me of.
    How you're feeling better and fearless, girl!

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    1. I feel that. Just keep it God-honoring.

      Pride can be a hard thing. The trick I've learned for when I fail is to remember that God still loves me. No matter what I do, he's still cheering me on.

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  3. GAH NO THIS IS PERFECT. <3 "I want the fun, but I fear the pain. And, for me, fear almost always wins." <<< thissss is so loaded like whoa. I need to actually read this post like 5216325262 more times because I struggle with this same stuff and fear is just suffocating at times but Jesus is always there <3 he's real.

    you're inspiring ok <3

    >><<
    abbiee

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    Replies
    1. THANKS ABBIEE. <3<3<3 Yeah, it felt pretty loaded when I wrote it. I think I need to read it some more too, you know? Just as a good reminder. He is so real and I'm so glad I have him.

      Aw thanks love. :)

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  4. I was just thinking about this yesterday. I was thinking of it in context of a friend who hurt his hand and is undergoing surgery today. He cut nerves and a tendon and may lose some function in his hand which will make it difficult for work. I was thinking how the body is amazing; it heals itself and compensate for loss of function in one area by using other parts. The body of Christ is like this as well. When one member is hurt, either physically or emotionally or spiritually, the rest of the body-our "coworkers", co-laborers in Christ are there to compensate for this loss of function. That's how the Church is supposed to work. View your recent infirmity through the lens of the word and see this as an example of Body life.

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  5. I always think that I don't need any help with challenges in my life. This is a good reminder to me that I do need help and it's alright to ask for help.

    Thank you for the inspiration! I'm so glad that you are safe! :)

    With love and all joy,
    Allie D.
    www.alliesblogdesigns.blogspot.com
    www.friendlovesatalltimes.blogspot.com
    www.sevenbloggersandtheirdolls.blogspot.com
    www.sincerelyallied.blogspot.com
    www.spreadingmyjoy.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete

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