23.3.13

i am radioactive.

(listen to Imagine Dragons-Radioactive)
  For the past few weeks, I've felt fairly purposeless. I know I have one—serving God—but doing schoolwork seems pointless in that area. I know it's not, because I'm obeying my parents in doing it, which means I'm obeying God, but still. I want to do more.
  I feel like God has called me to write for Him, but I feel guilty for writing, because that means that I'm on the computer a lot (me and writing longhand can only go together for short periods of time. Besides, if I ever want to show it to you guys, it's got to be typed up at some point anyway). Something about that just feels wrong. I can get distracted so easily and end up wasting time on the internet, especially when I don't know where my story is going. And, for the past week or so, I haven't known where my story is going. At all.
  And then it all clicked at some point yesterday evening, and I got it. My story made sense. My life (at this point in time) made sense. I had a purpose again. I don't know how much I wrote last night, but it felt like a lot.
  To top it off, I discovered Imagine Dragons this morning. I had heard of them before, but I stayed away from them because they seemed weird. (I don't know what I was thinking, either.) When I heard their song "Radioactive," I felt even better. To me, that song is about someone who is emerging from a deep hole of depression or a "prison" of, oh, I don't know, maybe purposelessness. This person is fully charged and ready to complete the job he/she was sent here for.
  And that's me. I'm fully charged and ready. I'm back. This day is barely half over, and I've already written over five thousand words.
Bam.
♥Bekah Joan

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