you're like light shining through a forest

"you're like light shining through a forest," he said. "not always there, not always thriving." there was an awe--meant only for her--painted onto his features. "but when it is there, it drips on everything near. it's a picturesque fountain of gentleness and light."

//

so maybe i want to be that girl. the one who's always striving yet still has her twilights. and while those are often, there's always more light to come: shining bright into the dark forest, gracing dewy leaves. and just as we're heading into summer, this girl is too. one where her light shines longer and brighter every day.

some assumptions

Let's take the past year and this post and sit back and think for a minute. I've had a few talks with my pastor and my best(est) friend and I've come to realize that I've believed quite a few things that are just plain wrong (even though they sound right).

Like love. As I stated in "on putting myself back together," I said that the way to contentment is through loving people. But that's not true. The first step toward contentment is to accept God's love for you—no matter what you've done. Trust him. Have faith. Then you're on your way.

Or repentance. That it's just a state of mind. Trust me, it's not. I was confessing to my friend the guilt and the weight I felt from my sin. She asked a simple question: "Did you repent?" The answer was a surprising "no."

Because somehow I got it in my head that I didn't need to repent. I just needed to believe I was a sinner and God forgave me. Deep inside of me I knew that was wrong, but it was more a subconscious thought. So I went on and on, not repenting my sins.

And it took its toll, leaving me sick inside. I was lost, and it took me months to diagnose my illness.

God didn't come down here and die for us just so we could do whatever we want without thought. So try to be a better person. And when you fail? Repent. Actively.

I'm unraveling all of these lies from the past. Slowly, but as fast as I can understand. I've become a healthier person. A better person. A happier person, even. And I'm proud of that.

So remember these things, loves. Remember that God loves you, and that he's worthy of your trust.

Have faith.

Then your adventure will begin.

Poetry Kind of Night

Tonight is a poetry kind of night.
Not the rhyming kind or the balanced kind—
the free kind.

Tonight is a lonely kind of night.
The kind that can only be healed
by writing it out and letting God
fill the holes in my poor, beating heart.

Tonight is a sharp kind of night,
shattered windows and emotions as high as
the mama bird right outside my bedroom can fly.

Tonight is a frantic kind of night.
Like me pulling on my nightshirt backwards
because I was lost in the excitement of
words, words, words—
Like telling my mom, “Hold on, I need to write this poem.”
And once she saw the desperate look in my eyes and heard the strain in my voice,
she left in a rush.

Maybe tonight is the night. The one that has etched in purple pen,

“Hey. I think I’m back.”

June 2016 Desktop Calendar

Feel free to download, print, or do whatever you'd like with the calendar. But it is mine, so please don't claim it as your own. Thank you!