it's a little strange that it even has to be a realization because it's something that should be obvious.
but for me, it was different. it required sitting in the kitchen with a cup of tea and what was probably a worrisome look on my face.
but it clicked.
i don't have to be sad.
now, that doesn't mean i thought i had to be sad. but it's been such a core part of who i am over the past few years that it's normal. being sad is part of my daily routine. and, strangely, it's welcomed.
but you know, maybe it's (definitely) unhealthy. and it's not something God wants for me.
and i got that tonight. this pressure was lifted off my chest, and i smiled.
life is just one long journey of discovery. it's unlearning all the presuppositions you formed when you were a kid. it's finding out things you probably should've learned in the eighth grade. it's realizing that you can decide to try to be happy. it may take you until you're almost twenty to figure that out. but you will, one day.
Take these sunken eyes and learn to see.
-"Blackbird," The Beatles
and you'll feel free. you'll be able to dance without your heart weighing you down. your smile will light up your eyes again. it will not happen over night. but it will happen.
so here's to being not-sad and free.