Sometimes, I feel like a flickering flame, burning on top of a small candle in the middle of a wintry field during a storm.
I feel like I'm a leaf in the fall, clinging to my branch, but the wind is just so strong.
[i'm dying out and withering away.]
Sometimes, I feel—hold that thought—know that I'm just one thread in the biggest blanket ever.
I'm one pixel in a grand picture of a roaring waterfall or the sun rising over the trees.
I'm one leaf in a giant forest.
I'm one grain of sand on a Florida beach.
I'm one piece of grass in a great field.
I'm one grape in the bountiful vineyards of Pennsylvania (or at least my part of Pennsylvania.)
[i'm so pathetically small.]
Sometimes, I feel like I don't matter in this crazy-big world of college and conferences and people and terrifying things.
I'm not a prodigy, and I don't claim to be.
I've never made a big splash. Just a small ripple here an there, to help move along a stick or a leaf. Not a boat.
I'm not brave, but I'm trying.
I'm not perfect.
I'm being exactly like Augustus Waters when, in fact, I should be trying to be like Jesus's mother, Mary. Or, heck, Jesus Himself.
[i'm perfectly ordinary.]
But maybe there's Someone shielding my flame from the winter storm.
Maybe, once I fall from my branch, someone will collect me and keep me warm and safe inside a scrapbook.
[maybe i'm supposed to struggle so that i'll hold on to God tighter.]
I am just a thread, just a pixel, just a leaf, just a grain of sand, just a piece of grass, just one grape.
But what if there were no threads?
What if there were no pixels?
What if there were no leaves?
What if there was no sand?
What if there was no grass?
What if there were no grapes?
[we're all small, but together we can be quite big.]
The center of attention is something I've always tried to hand off to others.
Yeah, I am ordinary. I probably always will be. But I have an extraordinary God, and He loves me so much that He died and came back from the dead. Not that's love. (Yeah, wow.)
[and maybe ordinary is what we're supposed to be.]
Because what's different from the thread at the top of the blanket to the thread at the bottom? Maybe some colors, one might be a bit more damaged than the other. But is there really any difference?
*just a little note about that last paragraph, because i think my pastor and my mother will read it and go "hey! that's wrong!"
the blanket i'm referencing is not the world. it does not include every single person on this planet. it includes the church. because Christians are different from non-Christians. Not because we're so amazing, but because we have an amazing God.