12.5.14

an excerpt [8]

via
From The Three Worlds. I'm a little uneasy about this scene... It feels off. You know? Like too much description and not enough action. And weird sentence structure. You know?
Let's just say opinions would be appreciated muchly.
(Edit: this is from Alexa's POV. She's one of the three main characters in the first book.)
. . . .
   The glorious peace of the ten-acre forest is only a few blocks away, whispering to me, and I ache for its cover.
   When I step inside, I push back a beech tree branch. The leaves rustle, falling to the ground, greeting me. I’m showered by more rainwater, splashing the back of my neck and chilling me.
   I’ve never been in the woods when it’s this dark before. I was too scared. But I think I prefer it in semidarkness. There’s a thrill in it. Not knowing what’s around the next few trees because the shadows aren’t there to tell you.
   A certain beauty lurks in the unknown.
   I breathe deeply. Being in a house with three kids under the age of ten can be stressful. And loud. Nothing like between the trees and woodsy smells.
   Something pink and glowing flits by, capturing my attention. I step forward, the soft ground shaping to my shoe. Another step onto a twig.
   Snap.
   A flurry of lights with wings rises from the ground. They whizz through the air into different hiding places, the swirls of light dizzying.
   I gasp, stumbling backwards into the rough bark of a tree.
   When I was younger, I had an imaginary friend—a fairy—named Sabrina. But I’m fifteen now. I’m too old for imaginary friends.
   Right?
. . . .
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Bekah Joan

8 comments:

  1. I really like it! Maybe a teensy bit too much description, in the beginning of the scene, but the rest is great! :D

    Now I want to know what the pink lights are, and if Alexa (I'm assuming she's the POV character?) makes friends with them. And if she's on earth in this scene or another world?

    Sorry, you don't have to answer all those. My curiosity has just been aroused, that's all. xD

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    Replies
    1. Thanks for the input! :)
      They're fairies, and yes she (it's Alexa) does make friends with them. (: It's in Earth. This is how she discovers magic and such things.
      I don't mind answering at all! It makes me feel happy when questions are asked. (:

      Delete
    2. I see! And thanks for answering, hehe! :P

      Delete
  2. Ooh, I love it! So mysterious and...eerie. It's brilliant!

    I think it's fine just the way it is. :)

    ReplyDelete
  3. I thought it was really good, as always! :)
    I love the feel of the scene, and it's left me wanting more.
    Keep up the great work! :)

    ReplyDelete

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